April 16, 2010
happiness
i had some quiet time with myself tonight..
and im been thinking about stuff..im been asking myself..what things will make me happy?
then i find that its those simple stuff that make me happy..
a nice warm cup of tea..a gd book to read..a warm bed to slp in..using my fav scented candles..doing nothing and just stare outside the window and look at moon (and stars on rare beautiful nights)..icecream after a long day of work..siting down somewhere and chat with friends..
i am happy. i have a house to return to everyday and night. i have pay coming in on time every mth. i can buy books and food and dolls and whatever i feel like most of the time. i have my loving parents (real sweet to see them holding hands and go out together..even if they fight here and there..but still..things are getting better..i love to walk behind them and see them hold hands :] really very sweet) and totally-alike-but-just-dont-like-each-other brothers..i still have my small amount friends..and new set of makan buddies..
im grateful that i have all this. i realise that some people are never really happy cause they are not grateful for wat they have..but im grateful..i might not be always happy, but right now and here i am.
im grateful for everything i had..grateful for everyday im still alive and breathing and kicking.. grateful for my dad who wake me up everyday even if hes not feeling well.. grateful for my mum who (once in every blue moon? maybe more then every blue moon sometimes ;P) cook the food that im been bugging her too..grateful for my big bro who take cares of me, play with me, buy stuff for me and being there for me when i had a bad nightmare (nightmares that is bad enough to wake me up..and its very HARD to wake me up :P) and grateful for my lil bro that will pour drinks for me, carry my stuff for me, let me bully and just being annoying.
im grateful for my friends too..
somethings just need to be say out loud..to myself or to the ppl that i care for..thank you guys :)
YukiNoYume ♥
Friday, April 16, 2010
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April 02, 2010
lost
i feel lost..never been so lost at my emotion..i cant find a way to act like normal anymore..
i dont know whats wrong..i just dont feel like smiling, dont feel like laughing, dont feel like doing anything. i just cant find the energy to feel.
this is not the usual me..i know that..but im tired of being the usual me. im tired of just smiling and making jokes and everything. im tired of just listening about others problems.
im tired of people taking me for granted. im tired of being the "not so important" friends. im tired of solving work problems.
im only a human, and humans are selfish. i wan others to fix my problem i wan to blame others for the problems i wan to sit there doing nothing and hope everything good will happen to me i wan others to listen to me i wan everything to go my way.
but i know that it wont happen. i dont like to talk about my problems. i dont like to bother people with my problems. i dont like to ask for help. i dont like to look weak. i dont like to show weakness. i dont like to cry in front of people.
leo's pride + cancer's emotions is my fatal flaws..
YukiNoYume ♥
Friday, April 02, 2010
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