June 04, 2007
freaking annoyed at myself now..do i really need someone to pei me everytime and chat with me to feel that i real?
whole day without anyone talking to me and im near my breaking point. when did i become like this..
i used to spend the whole day doing nothing just rotting in my whole room reading books..and i dont even like talking at those days..now i bug ppl to talk to me..even if i hate using phones, i still bug ppl in msn, by emails, or in games..
today a friend come to me..tell me her problem..then i dun understand wats wrong with her cause it like a simple thing with a few answer, ignored her mum, give her mum see her homework, or etc..then she say i always dont understand her, cant help her, then she just walk away..
i was stun..i dun know wat i can do..i remember a quiz say that i should stop trying to make everyone happy, cause i cant make everyone happy, and in the end i will hurt myself more..i nv believe in that quiz..cause..making ppl happy makes me happy..how can i hurt myself?
now i know..i really cant make everyone happy..i cant help everyone that comes to me..i can listen to all their problems..make they forget the problem..help them solve their problem in everyway i can..in the end..watch them smile..
i dont care about how much it will hurt me during the process of solving their problem..i dont care how much it will cost to make them smile again..as long as i can help..i will..
today i was abit emo already..then that friend come and tell me all this..make me super emo..
i just notice that ppl will find me when they have problems..and more or less..i will listen to them..talk to them..act stupid and be a clown..but never did i find anyone to talk about my family..my problem with my friendship..sch stress..
when i sit down and think about who can i find..when im sad..when i feel like crying..when i just need someone beside me..listen quietly..i cant find anyone..no one at all..
maybe i got the bad habit..of hiding my emotion..crying infront of other ppl is like rare event..
maybe it Leo..crying is a form of showing weakness..and leo dun like to show other ppl their weakness..thats y i dun like cry infront of ppl..
i can laugh now..but i really feel like crying..
hope i will stop emoing by tmr..
YukiNoYume ♥
Monday, June 04, 2007
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