August 29, 2006
saddness within mi..this is my life..no choice..
wat do u wan mi to do..stare at wall?
wat else do u wan to do? its not my fault...
im already looking for a job...trying not to tell u about my lappy problem...i already try to buy a new one..or fix the old one...wat else u wan..i pay my own sch fees?
have u ever wonder y did i change to someone who face computer more then i look at u? have u ever wonder more and more like a outsider..
yes i treat this house like a hotel...yes i treat u all like a bank...its not because i like it...its because u force mi too..
if u all treat mi better..give mi more family feeling..do u think i will stay online to get a feeling of love and care from them?
last time i onli think that my friends noe mi better then u...now i even think that my online friends which i nv see before treat mi more like a human then u...
ok..maybe im in a fault too..i spend lots of money...$300 per mth..and more..i also dun noe where it went too..i aso dun noe how i spend it..but its just not enough..1 meal at sch cost mi at least $3 with drinks it cost mi $4...i try my best not to eat..it still didnt work...transport fees..pens..notebook..all this need money..and all in the $300..
i really dun mean to do it..really dun..how much of wat i have gone through do u noe? last mth i lose someone thumbdrive...borrow $100 from mel...return her the money this mth..wat do u noe...u just noe that i took $100 from bank 1st day i got my pocket money..and scold mi from doing tt..
maybe..if im gone..u can save ur $300 per mth..maybe when im gone..u can save more of ur electri bill..maybe i should have gone long time ago..maybe i should nv been here at all..
depressing..
if 1 day..im really gone..i dun even noe wat expression u will have..maybe u will be smiling...
waiting to break free...waiting for my time to go..if there is really a god..then y all this things happen? if there is really a god..y 911 happen?
i dun noe...maybe i nv believe in u at all..
world is still moving...with or without mi..it will not stop just because i wanted to stop..time still move..morning still comes..and nigth comes after...
go on..with a heart of stone...with tears of blood...with face of mask..wings of hope...
or...
stop the time of mine..die with a grey heart..tears of blue...face of saddness..wings of death...
my life..my choice..my ending..
take mi with u..its too painful here...no love..no warmth..onli pain..and more pain..
good bye world..everything is too painful..
give mi strength grandpa..give mi hope..help mi pull myself over this..grandpa bless mum and dad...let they have the strength to move on..let they find ways to solve this..guide them through this grandpa..grandpa..help jervin in his sch work...help kor in his study and work...grandpa..be with us..move us on..dun let mi end here...help mi grandpa...help me...
my dear friends..i love u all..dun worry about mi..i will push myself over..
YukiNoYume ♥
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
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