October 27, 2005
<~*~> bad sci day <~*~>
am i finally going to get the 1st D for my 1st year in RP?
i think i really did a bad job today...but what can i do? should i go and study sci which is not really my type of tea anymore by myself and i don't need to use it ever again after my 1st year....
well...call me stupid or call me whatever you wan, but i just can't study the things i hate plus i have no one teaching me. and my english was said to be a primany 5 level, and how am i going to understand the thing i will need to present WHEN i don't ever know how to say it.
Laboratory tests after the thalidomide disaster showed that in some animals the
'S' enantiomer was tetragenic but the 'R' isomer was an effective sedative. It
is now known that even when a stereo selective sample of thalidomide (only one
of the optical isomers) is created, if administered pH in the body, can cause
racemizing. The means that both enantiomers are formed in a roughly equal mix in
the blood. So, even if a drug of only the 'R' isomer had been created, the
disaster would not have been averted.
just in this para i have so many things that i don't know how to say it and i dont know their meaning. i am just so stupid and slow in things like this and in something i hate now.
ok maybe everyone in the world studying can read all this stupid words i can't read but what can i do when i really can't read all this words. and if i dont understand what i am saying how am i going to explain to the class what am i reading.
i learn to be a listener because i know that my ideas are sometime weird and abit of the stupid side and i dont really know what are we supposed to do, now people say that i am too much or listener and never give any idea to my team. FINE, i will do something and say something and watever rubbish, just look at my team reaction when i do that. i can tell u that ever if i DID say something and do something or watever they will still not listen to me and do what i think is the best BECAUSE they THINK they are always right and much more clever then me.
i start to think why am i in this sch, but it lead to nothing but my fault of not working harder to study. this school is not bad, the onli bad about it is its way of doing things.
this is bad...i think i am getting more and more hot-tempered...this is real bad...my elements is getting unbalance...water is getting evaporated and fire is burning stronger...my character have change, but i dont know is this change good or bad...from what i feel, this IS A BAD BAD thing.
i need someone to 'refill' my water and put out the fire in my heart. maybe not all of the fire, just put out the most of the fire and leave a small little flame for me to use when i need it.
i need to do something, i need to be normal again....this is so not me...i dont want to regret about anything i do...i need to change back...
am i becoming weaker in mentally? or am i weak from the beginning? watever it is..i wan to be stronger...
y did i cry again and again in sch? i think that i am really becoming weaker...i tell myself that i will never cry in front of people again when i am pri 4...but again and again i cry...i think that crying is a sign of weakness; a sign of giving up; something that i never wanted to show to others after my grandpa death...trying to be strong trying to be myself trying to live my life to the fullest trying...and trying... dun ask y dun let me depend on u just let me be...
Fire burningRiver dryingI am changingBut regrettingPut out the fireLeaving me a small flameBring rain to meand fill my river againTame the fireCalm the riverLet me be me againAnd stop regretting
YukiNoYume ♥
Thursday, October 27, 2005
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