and im been thinking about stuff..im been asking myself..what things will make me happy?
then i find that its those simple stuff that make me happy..
a nice warm cup of tea..a gd book to read..a warm bed to slp in..using my fav scented candles..doing nothing and just stare outside the window and look at moon (and stars on rare beautiful nights)..icecream after a long day of work..siting down somewhere and chat with friends..
i am happy. i have a house to return to everyday and night. i have pay coming in on time every mth. i can buy books and food and dolls and whatever i feel like most of the time. i have my loving parents (real sweet to see them holding hands and go out together..even if they fight here and there..but still..things are getting better..i love to walk behind them and see them hold hands :] really very sweet) and totally-alike-but-just-dont-like-each-other brothers..i still have my small amount friends..and new set of makan buddies..
im grateful that i have all this. i realise that some people are never really happy cause they are not grateful for wat they have..but im grateful..i might not be always happy, but right now and here i am.
im grateful for everything i had..grateful for everyday im still alive and breathing and kicking.. grateful for my dad who wake me up everyday even if hes not feeling well.. grateful for my mum who (once in every blue moon? maybe more then every blue moon sometimes ;P) cook the food that im been bugging her too..grateful for my big bro who take cares of me, play with me, buy stuff for me and being there for me when i had a bad nightmare (nightmares that is bad enough to wake me up..and its very HARD to wake me up :P) and grateful for my lil bro that will pour drinks for me, carry my stuff for me, let me bully and just being annoying.
im grateful for my friends too..
somethings just need to be say out loud..to myself or to the ppl that i care for..thank you guys :)
YukiNoYume ♥
Friday, April 16, 2010 link to post
April 02, 2010
lost
i feel lost..never been so lost at my emotion..i cant find a way to act like normal anymore..
i dont know whats wrong..i just dont feel like smiling, dont feel like laughing, dont feel like doing anything. i just cant find the energy to feel.
this is not the usual me..i know that..but im tired of being the usual me. im tired of just smiling and making jokes and everything. im tired of just listening about others problems.
im tired of people taking me for granted. im tired of being the "not so important" friends. im tired of solving work problems.
im only a human, and humans are selfish. i wan others to fix my problem i wan to blame others for the problems i wan to sit there doing nothing and hope everything good will happen to me i wan others to listen to me i wan everything to go my way.
but i know that it wont happen. i dont like to talk about my problems. i dont like to bother people with my problems. i dont like to ask for help. i dont like to look weak. i dont like to show weakness. i dont like to cry in front of people.
leo's pride + cancer's emotions is my fatal flaws..
sometimes its really tiring to keep up a facade..how many people can really be themselves without having any mask to hide the real them up?
sometimes..i really love to be alone..like now..the world is finally quiet..and alone in my room, i dont need to fake, to hide myself, to wear a mask anymore..i can laugh when i wan to, cry when i wan to, get angry when i wan to..
i guess working life really drains my energy away..having to deal with people that dont think of others, that thinks that they are always right, that thinks that whoever dont mix with them, are the one in wrong..i have enough of these aunties cat fights..my friend told me..i have to forgive them then i can move on, i have to bear with their brainless act and show them with kindness so that they will start to understand what im doing..but i guess, im just not that great person after all..
after a while, i will find that..we are not the strawberries that they think we are..it just that we see no point why we have to stress other people in order to get things done.. we are not all soft and lazy and easy to break..it just that older people are so not flexible and unable to think out of the box and dont understand why we younger people are acting this way, so they are trying to give us pressure to give us stress and trying to make US like THEM..
i guess it time for me to take a break again, to leave this place with all this old fashion people and wish them all the best with this company and hope they will stay long long long long..
i guess i just havent find a place for me yet..theres no place for me anywhere..in family..in company..with friends..im just forgettable, replaceable and not that important anyway..
ah..ah..i sound so emo, but im fine i guess..tmr i will still be joking around, fooling around, playing around, i will still laugh and smile and go crazy like all other days..
sometimes, i just wan to be alone, but sometimes i hope and wish that whenever i feel lonely, feel sad, feel emotional..theres someone to call and talk to..but i know that i wont call anyway..
telling people that im sad is something that i really wont do when im STILL feeling sad.. uncontrollable sad.. once i got my feeling under control, i might call someone, but mostly i will just slp..
pride of leo, moodiness of cancer i guess..or maybe it just monday blue..maybe im just not feeling well for the past few days..
"Dont be so quick to judge me, you only see what i choose to show" was and still is my fav quote..
judging people is easy, to know someone is difficult, what you think you know, doesnt make that is the truth..hopefully one day, those aunties can understand this..
oh well..i shall not continue typing and make myself more emo then needed..
waiting for the stupid photos to be burn (hopefully it will success this time) but i guess not much hope..so im off to bed
au revoir
YukiNoYume ♥
Tuesday, January 12, 2010 link to post
October 30, 2009
life is so unfair
this is the 3rd time..that i type out what i feel...this is the 3rd time that i wanted to post something, then decided not to after i finish the post..then alt a and del everything..
if only memories and feelings can be del away just like this..
YukiNoYume ♥
Friday, October 30, 2009 link to post
August 07, 2009
finally..
its update time again :D
hahaha when working always make me dont feel like updating..cause everything is nearly the same..wake up go work do work finish work go home slp..
but finally i get the time to sit down and type down whats been happening :D
lets see what do i remember =x A trip to NUH "chalet" im beening coughing on and off since n-weeks ago..but always cant find the time to go to see doc when the coughing starts..and the cough always end when i have time to go see doc..so i can say that the cough is always with me haha..
until 29 july, i feel feverish when im working and coughing quite badly..then at night when i reach home, i confirm that im having fever..then the nx day i went to see the doc @ polyclinic..as usual the LONG wait for the doc and only a few min talking with the doc, he told me that its not h1n1 and its just a common flu. so i went home and took his medicine..then the medicine didnt really helps and on and off my fever always came and look for me..haha..i guess partly is because im working until late night @ home with my fever and cough =x
then on monday, i still felt terrible so i went to polyclinic again, then see a new doc and took him what happen again, this time adding a chest and back pain when breathing deep, then he say its no big deal, and give me antibiotic..so i went home and took the medicine and took a nap..then when i wake up i felt a little better :D so...i work (+ playing games for a break sometimes =x) the whole night until morning=X i felt really better after then 3rd dose of the medicine and my fever is down and my cough get a little better..until at night time i guess, my back pain got worst, and its painful when i breathe normally too, when i cough the pain is horrible..and when i cough, i cant really feel the air coming out..hmm dont know how to say but normally when cough should be like louder or something, but at this point my coughing is confirm different from normal one..so i went to slp..
at about 3am i guess, i woke up feeling breathless and sharp pain on my back and breathing is not a easy thing to do with the pain..i cant lay down or even sit down cause it make the pain worst..i walk around the house not knowing what to do..haha..then i slowly learn how to sit without increasing the pain..so i sat down waiting for my dad and mum to wake up..i tell you..its like nightmare..worst then any night that i couldnt slp and just staring at nothing to wait for the sun to be up..still wondering if i will just die like this XD not knowing if the lack of air or pain will kill me 1st..
when my dad wake up at 6+ and then saw me sitting on my chair, then i tell him that im in pain, then i cant remember what he told me o.o i guess i fall aslp? cause the nx thing i remember is my mum coming to my room and tell me that we are going to the hospital..haha..then we took taxi go NUH..the uncle -.- horrible -.- people wan go hospital already then he still turn here turn there took the LONG LONG way to NUH..finally reach NUH le then i go to emergency room..
its not like in the movies or drama! its very quiet o.o and everyone has their own room (dont know is it cause im at the fever thingy there ma =x) then they began to a series of test on me..asking the same question alot of times..and poking needle here and there..the WORST thing is the h1n1 de test..I TELL YOU IS PAINFUL DE LOR!! worst then my backpain! I NEVER WAN TO DO THAT TEST AGAIN!!! then the doc told me that my xray shows that my lung got fluid..so need to do blood test see got baterial or not..or somthing like that la..but most of the day is wait and wait and wait..during the waiting time i keep on slp hahaha..slp le then wont cough then wont pain :D plus the room small small very nice to slp =x then when the doc told me i need to stay in the hospital..then she poke the thing for IV de..then put dont know wat thing..then i slp again lor..hahaha..on and off got people come and change the thingy..then finally i can move to my ward..
sitting on wheelchair let people push..really can see/feel different thing sia..really..totally different from walking urself..then when i reach my "room" for the night, i was surprise! i paid for the cheapest room but i got a room all by myself! wakakak cause its isolation ward la..but very nice de ward..very clean de feeling..got my own tv, phone, toilet, table and everything! i guess a A class ward is also like that de ba..and the best thing is...I GOT DISCOVERY CHNN! and CANTOON NETWORK!! wakakakaka!! i spend my night watching cantoon network lor..i so miss tom and jerry..hahaha..at night still got naruto! the nurse and doc aso very friendly and very funny..different nurse always come and give me medicine or measure my bloodpressure/temperature..almost always will ask/say.."you how old? 1st time staying in hospital? scare or not? no need scare la..if really scare tell us, we will come in to ur room often so that you are not alone.." haha..so cute de lor..
-yawns- lazy to type le =x anyway im fine already~ doc say the fluid not alot..continue to eat the antibiotic and rest well can recover le..but if have fever over 38degree or the pain is still there after finish the antiiotic then need go back and see her again..
hmmmmmm
nx time then update bday chalet and bday celebration with family ba
YukiNoYume ♥
Friday, August 07, 2009 link to post
just finish listening to all of chord's new album songs..he change some of his old songs lyrics already..haha..so sound familiar but also dont sound familiar..
not bad la..as usual..but the sound still abit soft..some songs i need to on my speaker to the loudest just to hear the sound..but no idea if the original song is like that already or because people ripped it out and make the sound quality like that...
cant wait for his album to reach singapore..haha..i saw the cd already..so cute..its 鲁肉饭 de picture...haha..
im super tired today..cant even keep my eyes open now..
and i still waiting for KO 3an guo to be out...
but..really..need to slp le..
cause... my brain not working le...
im now typing with my eyes close already..
got type wrong or not aso dont know...
anyway..tmr planing is MESSY...oh well..
i hope that i can reach home before 11...NO IS I HAVE TO REACH HOME BY 11pm..
so ya..if we are meeting at 6..and give people 1 hour to be late..start dinner at 7..give people time to cook..and give us time to eat and talk rubbish..
that will be at least 930pm by the time we are finish..and ready to move on to the next venue..
so in short, if i wan to reach home before 11. i will have to go straight after dinner..
haha...
we will see how things go..
hopefully..time will go slower =x
YukiNoYume ♥
Friday, April 17, 2009 link to post
